Local: Economics teacher’s solid red shirt displays obvious allegiance to the Communist Party

Fremont, California

According to reports from anonymous sources, an AP economics and government teacher at Washington High School has been touting blatant support for the Communist Party. “It’s obvious. Everyone notices,” commented Justin, a student of the accused. “He’s always saying how that red shirt is his favorite one. He even wore it after election day.” The Assorted Veggie, unwilling to trust merely children for the story, called on the man himself to comment. “I just think red goes really well with my skin,” said the strange, definitely guilty teacher, who’d apparently had ties with Russia since childhood. On closer observation of his classroom, all stamps on student’s work were little red stars -- clear evidence of his guilt. “Even the comic strips on his door are in a star shape. Unbelievable,” exclaimed a staff member who just happened to be passing by. At press time, the educator admitted defeat, and arrived on campus in a bright green shirt instead.