Democratic Senator shocked that murder could be attributed to genteel, elegant party that has never done anything wrong, ever

Sacramento, California

Though Seth Rich was murdered mid 2016, as of late, controversy has surrounded his death, as it has with every event in 2016. Sources suggested he may have leaked thousands of DNC emails to Wikileaks, possibly containing incriminating information regarding the democrats, mere days before his death. The Assorted Veggie, being liberal media, could not possibly allow such slander to be believed, and worked to collect statements from democratic leaders to clarify the issue. “Well I think that’s a ridiculous assertion,” commented Diane Feinstein, a democratic California senator, as she held in one hand a glass of sparkling red wine and cradled her faux furs in another. “We would never dream of conducting such atrocious behavior. This can only be the hands of the feral republicans! Hmph!” She proceeded to turn away and slam the door of her mansion, which we later discovered she acquired by poisoning the white wine her husband chanced to consume in an attempt to quicken her access to the estate.