Starbucks absolutely ruins coffee with ice cubes made of said coffee

Seattle, Washington

Customers in Starbucks headquarters at Washington expressed overwhelming disgust to Starbuck’s newest innovation: coffee ice cubes. “It just defeats the entire purpose of coming here,” commented Brandon Rogers, longtime Starbucks customer. “I come in here, I sit down, I pay a $1.50, and I expect to receive the most heavily diluted cup of coffee that can conceivably be produced in this nation.” According to a random sample of Starbucks - consuming Americans, 98.5% were opposed to the new addition. Mathematician Stefan Klein mused, “If one were to buy a cup of coffee and ordered a supply of ice cubes for 80 cents that comprised the same additional volume of coffee offered for a $1 more, customers cheat the corporation out of 20 cents each. It’s an abomination.” According to independent sources, College Board commented that the mathematics behind ice cube volumes and prices made for an interesting AP Statistics FRQ problem next year, and funded Starbucks’ decision.