FBI Director had gall to honestly investigate all issues, political ideology aside

Washington D.C, 2023

On an average day, Comey, the former FBI director, allegedly properly did his job -- according to reporters, he “combed through every scandal at the white house, DNC, and GOP, leaving no stone unturned.” “It was despicable,” commented Trump, when approached by the Assorted Veggie. “Soon all of us are going to be hearing things like ‘the sky is blue’. Okay Mr.Perfect, that’s great and all, but everyone wants the sky to be fuschia, and that’s what it’s going to be.” Pence sided by the President on this one, agreeing, “everyone was poor till we all agreed $1 actually meant $1,000. Our economy is skyrocketing. Aggregate demand is through the roof.” In fact, it could quite literally be, since the White House was missing one. When questioned about the perplexing missing roof, Pence clarified it had been something called a “bombing” -- which Trump corrected quickly to the occurrence we are all familiar with -- “large popcorn.” The Assorted Veggie, curious as to what Comey had done with himself since the firing, attempted to question him at his home. However, at press time, he was far too busy reading something called a “book.” The Assorted Veggie investigated deeply, but unfortunately, could not recover any definition for the odd, likely outdated contraption.